"I’m prone to the ‘curse’. I know it because I like my plans near-perfect and my wedding day is definitely the most important plan I may make. I’ve been thinking about it for a while now… How do I avoid being a bridezilla?!" - Concerned citizen.
Bridezilla | brʌɪdˈzɪlə |: noun: informal A bride-to-be who is extremely demanding and difficult to deal with.
-- Merriam Webster Dictionary.
So the word bridezilla initially emerged the internet in the mid-90s to describe a bride-to-be who turned into a monster while planning her wedding. She flares up and throws tantrums when she cannot get her way and often makes absurd demands on her wedding planner, friends, family and even the groom (eish). But in contemporary years, the slighting term -which originated from ‘Godzilla’: a giant mutant dinosaur who goes on killing people; has almost become synonymous with the behaviour of any fairy-tale-wedding-wanting bride -especially those who take the lead in planning their weddings- incorporating characters which are darn near impossible to evade.
Now, a traditional bride is ‘supposed’ to be innocent, submissive, sweet, excited and so on. However, these characteristics do not reconcile with the criteria of being an effective wedding planner. Successfully surpassing the difficulties and prospective frustrations that accompany the wedding planning process requires confidence, forceful behaviour, strict negotiation power and the ability to make certain decisions that may not please everyone. These behaviours are what induce the ‘bridezilla’ stereotype. You see, brides then find themselves caught up in the middle of the desire to portray pleasantness in agreements and the necessity of being assertive on vital issues such as financial concerns.
According to research, when a woman demonstrates anger, it is more likely to be regarded as a reflection of that woman’s angry nature as opposed to a mere reaction to an anger-causing situation. Take for instance one of your vendors breaches his/her contract at the last hour. Does’t that deserve some rage? Rather, your reaction is labelled with the ‘bridezilla’ tag and probably not taken as serious.
To be honest and most of the time, the only brides that are not referred to as bridezillas (in my opinion), are the ones who don’t take the lead in their wedding planning. Because planning a Nigerian wedding requires specific bridezilla-like qualities and can be really stressful. I not only speak of the planning procedure itself but the family related stress considering the extreme conflicting visions the parents of the bride and groom have for the wedding (and we know how messy that can get). Nigerian weddings are really expensive too and many couples end up in dept after the ceremony.
Putting aside the issues of money and family, the hassle of trying to remain as beautiful as you can during the planning is another anxiety-inducing factor. For instance, someone like me that’s prone to acne would put in a lot of efforts to ensure that I don’t have a single zit on my face during that period. Also some brides make endeavours like starving themselves in order to fit perfectly into that dress and spending so much money on hair and make up products/services. Think about it, it’s actually a lot!
So here’s what I think we (yes, you and me) can do to avoid turning into a bridezilla. First of all, remind yourself that there’s no such thing as a perfect wedding and so whatever ensures your utmost happiness on that day is perfect enough. Don’t worry about being a bridezilla. Writing this article, I’m starting to think there’s probably no such thing.
You should also get the Lush Plans App. It saves you a lot of that unnecessary stress by finding vendors that fit your budget within seconds, managing your guest lists, tracking gifts & RSVPs and also designing e-invitations to be sent out. It’s pretty cool.
Next thing is to give yourself a break once in a while. Yes, it’s the most important day of your life. No, you shouldn’t kill yourself and have no-one walk down the aisle. Lol. Nothing is ever that serious.
Eventually, you’ll look back on all those tasking and demanding memorable moments and smile because your marriage will be worth it.